


Friends with Benefits, but the Benefits are Cats

by orphan_account



Series: My Personal Matchmaker is my Cat [1]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: And You Can Fight Me, Atsumu is an idiot, Cats are the best, Fluff and Humor, M/M, MSBY, math sucks
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-09
Updated: 2020-12-09
Packaged: 2021-03-10 03:27:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,159
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27977331
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Prequel to Spare Me, Mr. CleanAtsumu’s cat, Koko, succeeds in wooing everyone (specifically, Sakusa)and Atsumu is horrible- and I mean really horrible- at math.That’s literally all that happens. That’s the entire thing. Gee, I guess it’s a summary.
Relationships: Miya Atsumu/Sakusa Kiyoomi, Miya Osamu/Suna Rintarou
Series: My Personal Matchmaker is my Cat [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2049132
Comments: 2
Kudos: 85





	Friends with Benefits, but the Benefits are Cats

“Ehhhh?!” Atsumu shouts, alarming three old ladies browsing the vegetable section of the market; he grips the phone tighter in his hand.

“ _Yeah_ ,” Osamu says over the phone, sounding a bit constipated. He sneezes, and Atsumu jerks the phone away from his ear; Osamu’s sneezes are so obnoxious. “ _She’s pregnant.”_

‘She’ is the cat Osamu had apparently found in an alleyway on the way back from Onigiri Miya, and out of the “goodness of my heart, ‘Tsumu,” brought home despite his raging allergies to feline creatures. 

Suna, Osamu’s boyfriend, had not been amused. 

“So ya want _me_ to take her?” 

Osamu sighs, then sneezes again. “ _Ya know I’m allergic, ‘Tsumu_.” 

“Agggggghhhhhh.” Atsumu groans, thinking about the complications of caring for a pregnant cat. Not that he even knows what the complications are.

He sighs. “Fine, I’ll take her for a bit. But I am not. Keeping her.” 

Osamu just makes an affirmative noise before he needs to go blow his nose. 

———-

Atsumu knows the moment he sets eyes on the Cat™ that he’s made a grave mistake.

He will not be able to give her away. 

He gulps as her large eyes, pupils dilated as if she _knows_ it makes her look cute, turn toward him. 

_THEY’RE DIFFERENT COLORS_. Atsumu’s inner voice screams. _THEY’RE PRETTY AS FUCK_.

Indeed- her left eye is gold, and the right is a slate gray. Her fur, velvety black, ripples over the powerful muscles, reminding Atsumu that this is in fact a cat, and cats can claw your faces off with ease. 

Suna snorts as he puts her carrier down in the doorway. 

“What?” demands Atsumu. 

Suna, that snarky bastard, rolls his eyes and just says, “Love at first sight.” 

Atsumu gasps and slaps a hand to his heart. “I do _not_ participate in bestiality! And Koko-chan has kittens! How dare ya, Sunarin?”

Suna makes a face. “I never said it was _that_ type of love. What the fuck goes on inside your head, ‘Tsumu?”  
He pauses. “And _Koko-chan_?”

“Naturally,” says Atsumu proudly. “That’s the most _purrfect_ name ever.” 

Suna leaves. 

Atsumu leans forward and lets Koko out, whispering to her about how, “Sunarin doesn’t understand, Koko-chan. Don’t worry.” 

Koko, her belly a bit swollen, peers around Atsumu’s designated apartment curiously; it’s not big, but it’s comfortable.  
She pads slowly over to a fluffy blanket Atsumu forgot on the floor and settles into it, looking far too queenly to be seen without a throne and a crown.

The first afternoon with Koko is spent trying to coax her into his lap and taking various pictures of the ridiculous poses she contorts herself into during the warmth of sleep.

Life couldn’t be better. 

———

“ _What_.” says Sakusa Kiyoomi from the doorway, face mask on and spray bottle in hand. “ _Is that_.”

Atsumu, on his couch watching TV, places an offended hand over his heart. “Omi-kun, how dare ya call Koko-chan a that! Her pronouns are she/her.”

Though Sakusa is an ice-cold evil Disney villain with a heart of moldy cheese, he respects pronouns. “Why. _Is she here._ ”

“Why can’t she be here?” Atsumu protests.

“She is a cat. An animal.” Sakusa looks very passionate about this. “Animals are dirty.” 

Koko, curled up in a newly bought cat bed, has not deigned to look at either of them during this exchange; now, she turns her serious gaze on Sakusa, who glares back with obsidian eyes.

Atsumu feels like he’s witnessing the beginning of a rivalry that will stretch on for generations, and quickly steps between them. “W-wait! Koko-chan, be nice to Omi-omi!” 

“Don’t _patronize_ us,” Sakusa growls. “we’re not children.”

Koko gets up and sits next to Sakusa; they both glare at Atsumu as if to say, “ _You’re the child here, you clumsy idiot_.”

Atsumu scrambles backward, the force of their gazes too much for his puny humanness. “Don’t gang up on me!” 

Sakusa glanced down at the black cat appraisingly, noticing how she seems to have an actual brain compared to her piss-haired owner. “Hm. Perhaps she isn’t so bad.”

Atsumu all but faints. “DID YOU JUST SAY KOKO-CHAN WASN’T THAT BAD.”

“Isn’t that what you wanted me to say?”

“THAT DOESN’T MEAN I EXPECTED YOU TO.”

Sakusa rolls his eyes, and actually crouches down to pet- _pet!_ \- Koko, who leans into the contact. “I suppose they’re okay since cats actually clean themselves, unlike you. So.” 

“So,” Atsumu echoes dumbly.

There’s another sigh at Atsumu’s stupidity, and Sakusa picks up Koko to drop her on Atsumu’s lap. 

The current scene is comical- Atsumu’s making a strangled noise from both the heavy cat that just plopped in his lap and the fact that SAKUSA JUST _PICKED HER UP GIVE ATSUMU A BREAK_. Sakusa is just watching Atsumu, his face entirely unimpressed and a bit bemused from the way Atsumu is just frozen like he’s having some kind of epiphany.

“What.” Sakusa states.  
_Explain your dumb self, idiot_ , is what he’s saying.

There’s no answer, and Sakusa feels a prickle of unease at the revelation Atsumu is clearly having in his pea of a brain, his brown eyes wide with rapture.

“Miya, what the hell are you doing.”

Atsumu snaps out of his holy trance, eyes aglow. “OMI-KUN LIKES KOKO-CHAN. KOKO-CHAN IS AN ANIMAL. DOES THIS MEAN OMI-KUN LIKES ANIMALS?”

“What?!” Sakusa has no clue where Atsumu came up with this conclusion. “How-“

Atsumu jumps up, and Koko falls off his lap with a hiss of annoyance. “I remembered math! Like, the transition property thing!”

This is so ridiculous that Sakusa’s losing his brain cells. “You mean to tell me,” he starts slowly, “that you used the _transitive_ property to explain why I apparently like animals?”

“Yeah!” Atsumu beams and Sakusa doesn’t know why his face heats at the sight. “Cuz you like Koko-chan, Koko-chan is an animal, so-“

Sakusa heaves a sigh so hard he can see his life flash before his eyes. He looks sympathetically at Koko, who seems equally exasperated at Atsumu’s use of middle school math. “Koko, I give my condolences. Please lend this dumbass some brain cells to prevent him from accidentally destroying the world.”

“Hah?! What’s that supposed to mean?”

———

Sakusa lets his head slam down on his dining table.

 _Smack_. 

Stupid Miya, always smiling like- like _that_.

 _Stupid. Stupid. Stupid_.

Sakusa knows what his feelings mean, and knows from observing that Miya could possibly- _possibly_ \- return them, but _why_.

Why does he- like- _Miya_ , of all people.

Miya, with his dumb hair and dumb eyes and dumb cat-

Well, not dumb cat; Sakusa was surprised himself when he took a liking to Koko, but it was kind of impossible not to. 

But _Miya_. 

Sakusa groans, and slumps forward. 

_Pining over the stupidest man on earth is not productive_ , his brain helpfully reminds him. _Get up and clean._

With a sigh, Sakusa gets up and resolves to ignore the feelings (crush) for now.

He needs to scrub the sink again, anyway.

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you liked it! There’ll be a third and last part soon ;)


End file.
